i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
