We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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