My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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