oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had sex on a roof
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
