she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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