I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
