I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're a waste of cheezeits
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
