what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
