make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
