I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if only i could text you this smell
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
