The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
