In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
