It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
