found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
