they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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