your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
