it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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