she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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