Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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