if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
