dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
