I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
