Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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