i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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