Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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