Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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