its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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