Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
