Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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