I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
