DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
