who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
