he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
