Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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