I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
