This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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