If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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