I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
