You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
