Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
