New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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