did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
