Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
