Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
