Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
