and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
