i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
