no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize