Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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