i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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