my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
