The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
