Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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