is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
