im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
