somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
