and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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