We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
