so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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