happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
