what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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