More tranny stories later!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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