I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I stole a fireplace last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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