note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
