Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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