When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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