thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
