Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
operation have a gay friend backfired
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
