I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
