I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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