I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
