Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You took a bar mat shot.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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