There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
