The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
