no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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