No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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