Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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