Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
