Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
